“The Fake Boob”

As so lovingly named by my husband “the fake boob” is nothing more than a breastfeeding shield, and a mistake I won’t make again. In a way I guess I felt like a failure. As I mentioned in a previous post, “The Breastfeeding Mother”, breastfeeding turned out to be not at all what I had anticipated. After solving my first problem with breastfeeding, a week later I hit a second obstacle. My nipples were starting to become extremely sore. The soreness didn’t bother me that much, it was the initial latch before the milk started to flow that was painful. Not only were there cracks but because of how Sawyer was eating a small hole began to form on the bottom of each nipple. It looked as though someone had put an open gash there. I was determined to suffer through this. However, soon I encountered another problem Sawyer would not eat on the left side. My milk would let down so strong she couldn’t really keep up without sputtering and gagging. Now I was just beyond frustrated, how could everything go so wrong.

I was not going to have this problem, the internet quickly gave way to a seemingly beautiful solution. A breastfeeding shield, designed to slow the flow of the milk. And I could just stop using it when she could handle the flow of the milk. I could barely contain my excitement as I rushed out the door to buy my first one. Not only did it work but it was incredible all the sudden I felt no more pain! As the weeks went by my left nipple healed up but the flow was still strong for my poor little girl. My right nipple was not getting any better at all, still in pain I was tempted to use the shield on the other side. “Just until the hole heals up” I told myself.

5 months in and I gave up struggling to wean Sawyer from the fake boob… It was like we went right back to the beginning. Only this time we were struggling because it wasn’t what she had grown accustomed to. Now, it’s not a total inconvenience or anything I still get to nurse my baby, just not exactly how I thought I would. And I’m not knocking the breastfeeding shield at all, used properly they work amazing. Had I not have found one I don’t know if Sawyer would have ever started eating on the left side. My mother had the same problem with me and just had to hand express one side cause I only ate off of the other. And I’m not saying you won’t be able to wean your baby if you start using one. I feel the reason I couldn’t was because I have flat nipples. So they aren’t at all the same shape or size as the shield.

This was merely my ignorant use of the shield. And sharing so maybe someone else doesn’t have to go through a similar experience. Live and learn, now I know for next time =)

The Breastfeeding Mother

I knew from the moment I found out I was pregnant that I was going to breastfeed my baby. Not only because my mother, and her mother, and her mother before her did, but because of the everlasting benefits for the both of us, and because of the bond we would share. When I had my baby I was only 20 years old. My husband supported the fact that I wanted to breastfeed but he knew nothing about children or breastfeeding. Let me give you a little background first, I am an extremely stubborn person. If I have set my mind on something that is how it is going to be. (For better or for worse). There was no way in this world I was going to give up breastfeeding my daughter. I carried that little girl for 9 months and I’d be damned if I was going to let anyone else be her “mother”.  I not only saw it as a want but my duty to my daughter to take care of her and give her the absolute best I knew how. I was ready, I read books, searched the internet, watched videos, I knew exactly what to do.

When my beautiful little girl was born I was in absolute awe that my body could have produced this perfect little being. I put her to my breast and pure magic she latched on perfectly. It was the most incredible thing, and for the two days we were in the hospital even the nurses marveled. “I have never seen a nursing couple take to breastfeeding so well.” “You’re a natural!” I was totally thrilled, I knew before I even had her that this is how perfect and one we would be. Unfortunately the wonder didn’t last. We took our baby Sawyer home and for a while all was well. A few days passed and my milk came in. Now let me tell you my breasts are big anyways (32E), but it was insane and painful how large they had become. (Nursing bra 32G). And now Sawyer wouldn’t latch right, we tried and tried. It was the most frustrating experience of my life. I didn’t understand, how could this happen, everything was so perfect. Sawyer screamed and bawled, tears poured out of my eyes. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to be a mom. My mom lives 3 hours from us, so I called a lactation consultant. She came immediately and told us Sawyer just had some gas. She showed us stomach massages and things we could do to help her. She also told us Sawyer was having a hard time latching 1) because I had flat nipples. and 2) I was so engorged it was extremely difficult for her to get ahold. (even with me helping.) So I had to hand express a lot to get it where she could latch better. For the night things were a little better, and then all over again they were ten times worse.

My milk came in more and with a vengeance. Our whole house was waterworks all over again. I called my mom begging her to come help me and tell me what was wrong. I felt completely helpless, this wasn’t how things were supposed to be. My mom came and as soon as she walked in the door and heard Sawyer cry she knew…. (My mom raised 6 babies starting when she was 19). “That baby is hungry, Shaide.” she said it so calmly. My mom has never said a mean word to me in my life, but these 5 words struck like knives to my heart. I started crying again. I didn’t know, I wanted to crawl under a rock. That first night was the hardest Sawyer ate all night. I was so exhausted, then the morning light hit and we both slept. For the first time in 5 days we were all at peace. One lactation consultant who had never had kids could not tell me that my baby was hungry, but my mother who raised 6 kids (even though her youngest is a teenager) was able to tell me just from hearing a cry. For the 2nd time since my daughter was born I saw my mother in a new light. A light that only mothers can see, one I took for granted and never saw before.