My husband and I got married young, he was 23 and I was 19. Then 9 months later we were blessed with a beautiful baby girl. I couldn’t be happier. However, I seem to have surpassed my age group. I no longer have anything in common with the friends I had before I got married. Maybe not because I got married but because I have other things on my mind now. Raising my daughter has become my number one priority. I attended some college and graduated a trade school, but for all my friends that are in that stage of their life now I feel that time of mine was a million years ago. And honestly I don’t believe I am even close to the same person that I was. I still like my friends that I had, we just have nothing to talk about. I talk about my daughter and my husband and they talk about college, drinking, boyfriends, girlfriends, going out. There’s not much of a common ground. I never really realized much of this until this week. My husband has a co-worker a few years older than him and he has a girl coming to visit him. She asked if I wanted to go shopping. I have never met this girl before and since she is a college basketball player I don’t know how much I’ll be able to find in common with her. Sure I played basketball in highschool. But somehow I feel I am “reliving the glory days” haha. How lame does that sound at 21 years old I am “reliving the glory days”. Yeah I can be nice, but at some point I think I run out of things to say or we run out of things to talk about. It’s hard to hang out with people that now seem to have a different lifestyle than you. This is my challenge to myself this week, befriending someone that I have a hard time relating to now.
Baby Stereotype
No, my baby doesn’t sleep through the night. Yes it’s perfectly normal. My baby is 6 months old and a reoccurring question that seems to come from just about everyone is. “Oh, does she sleep through the night yet?” I want to know where this preconceived notion that babies have to sleep through the night comes from. For one thing my cloth diapers do not work like your disposables so I change her at LEAST once during the night. For another I’m not sure why everyone feels inclined to ask, men and women alike. What do you care if she sleeps through the night or not, I don’t see why it should be of any consequence to you. Instead why don’t you ask what her favorite food is, what makes her laugh, or what her first word was. I would rather share with you the joys of my child and not our personal sleep schedule.
“Oh, my son slept through the night at 4 months.”
That’s nice my daughter did as well, then she hit a growth spurt and started eating more at night again, which is no problem. Why in today’s society do things have to be a competition, especially with motherhood and children. I don’t really care that your kid did this or that, because my daughter is not yours. Nor do I feel the need to try to make her conform to the standards of whatever your child accomplished. She is her own person and a beautifully healthy child that will sleep, and talk, and crawl, and walk, at different times than that of your children. No one child is alike, and they shouldn’t have to be.
Normalising Breastfeeding
Beautiful! Couldn’t agree more!
What a priveleged country we live in here in Australia to ask ourselves, how are we going to feed our baby? Bottle or breast? And when I say bottle, I mean formula. This should not even be a question, or a choice. It should not be as simple as; shall I use huggies or cloth? Puree or BLW? Stroller or carrier? This is a choice you are making which affects your child’s short term and long term health. However in developed countries such as Australia, we do have that choice. I may sound judgemental but believe me, I do not blame the parents. I blame the multi-million dollar Formula companies marketing Formula, insinuating that formula is as beneficial as breastmilk. I blame health professionals telling mothers they are not making enough milk and baby needs a “top up” of formula. I blame society for the sexualisation of the female breast…
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10 Reasons I am “a baby hog”
My husband and I feel a lot differently about this topic and it was a huge milestone in our marriage. Finding a common ground where we are both so stubborn is hard. I tell everyone no when they ask to hold my baby. My husband wants almost all his friends and family to be able to hold her. We have managed to find a happy medium that we both seem relatively happy with.
1. It’s how I was raised. I find it rude to ask for someone’s baby, especially if you barely know the person. Sometimes it’s awkward when the mom or dad say no or they don’t want to say no to avoid the potentially awkward situation, so they just say yes instead. It is inconsiderate to assume they are ok with you holding their child, even if they tell you yes some people actually want to say no.
2. This is my time with my baby. When she is toddling around by herself and she wants to go to you, then fine. Most toddlers would rather play with new people than their parents. This is the time I get rewarded, I carried that baby for 9 months so that I could love and hold and care for her. After 9 months I only get approximately another 9 to do so. I am also sure that I will be caring for my next baby and you will have plenty of time with my first.
3. Just because you don’t get to hold her does not mean she won’t like you. My baby is a huge people person she loves everyone that talks sweet to her. Holding her won’t make her like or dislike you, how you treat her will. She will smile at anyone she absolutely loves the attention. So no, you don’t have to hold her.
4. It’s my job to take care of her. It’s something I love and enjoy doing and I don’t want your help. If I look like I am struggling with something and you want to help don’t offer to take my child. If you really want to help you can do the other task not take my child.
5. Maybe I am crazy. But especially when my child is small no amount of time with her in the world will ever be enough. I would hold her every second of everyday if it was at all humanly possible.
6. Chances are if you want to hold my baby you already have had or have kids or grandkids of your own. So please go hold them, you don’t need to hold mine to fill some weird hole in your chest. You have your own. And in the off chance that you don’t have any of your own I apologize I had trouble conceiving and even believed I wouldn’t be able to have any. All the more reason I would rather keep ahold of her myself.
7. Just because you are my mother in law, definitely does not mean you have some god given right so swoop my child out of my arms without asking. I like my mother in law please don’t get me wrong. However, my mother in law wants to be a mother and not a grandmother. If she could I’m sure she’d breastfeed my baby herself too.
8. I don’t care if you admire or talk to her, but I feel you can do so very adequately from the vicinity of my arms. I did not have a baby just to give her to everyone else. For now when I can control it I’d rather she stay with me. I work very hard as a full time mom and when she is happy is the most rewarding time for me to have her. I’d prefer not to give her around when she is in a good mood. Nor when she is in a bad one. It is my job to care for my child good and bad, and especially during the good times I’d rather have her.
9. Until she can tell you yes or no on her own. I am her mother, her protector, and her voice. I want her to know she doesn’t have to say yes if she doesn’t want to. Her comfort and protection are my main concern and my instincts drive that. It is just one more way for me to create a safe haven for her. Where she will always feel comfortable with us as parents that love and protect her.
10. I made her she is a part of me and always will be. She isn’t a toy or potato for you to pass around and enjoy, she is a human being. You don’t ask to hold me or try to pass me around. I only ask you extend the same courtesy towards my daughter who cannot express her wishes on her own and solely rely on me to do so for her.
Cloth Diapers Intro
I made the decision to cloth diaper because it was something my grandma did and something I was curious about as a little kid. I am going to tell you a little about my experience, what I like and dislike, and what works for me. I did my research and got the cheapest quality cloth diapers I could find. I ended up spending around $200 for everything I needed. So I ended up starting with the Imagine diaper cover. (Pre-folds were cheapest) I got my pre-folds at Nicki’s Diapers, I decided to go with cotton. I also bought a yard of microfiber that I sewed, used to wick away moisture.
So first of all I don’t cloth diaper all the time. My family lives 3 hours away from us and we go home a lot on the weekends. Or if we plan to be out and about all weekend we will buy a pack of diapers.
When I first brought Sawyer home from he hospital I realized my diaper covers were just too big around for her little legs. Plus as a first time mom learning to nurse and take care of a newborn I’ll admit was a little overwhelmed. So I made the decision to use disposables for a while.
I started cloth diapering and my setup was a cover, a pre-fold, a microfiber insert, and a layer of coconut oil (on her bum to help prevent rashes). Now the hard part was figuring out how to wash the diapers, I read every single blog known to man trying to get it right. The first few times I kept getting stains, especially in the microfiber (which is hard to wash anyways). The next few times Sawyer had a horrible diaper rash, and she cried every time she peed. I used disposables until the rash cleared. It took me till Sawyer was about 3 months old. Finally I completely changed my method and developed my own style. Since we have an extra bathroom in our apartment every time she soiled a diaper (poo or pee) I rinsed it out and put it in a bathtub full of water that also contained a small amount of the detergent I use. When the bathtub is full I drain the water and ring out and rinse all the diapers before putting them in the washer. I have a top loading washer so depending on how full the washer is I can adjust the water level. I wash them normal with the hottest setting and then I do two cold rinses. I have not had any problems or staining using this method.
For those of you who do not know you can’t use normal diaper rash cream with cloth diapers. It will cause buildup on your diapers and they won’t absorb or wash correctly. There are lots of different things you can find on the internet to use but I just get unrefined coconut oil from a local drug store. It works amazing plus I love the smell. 
I will have more posts on cloth diapers, let me know if you guys have any questions! I’d be happy to do another post on them
The Doctor’s Word…
My parents believe in vaccines… however, they vaccinated us on a delayed schedule starting when we were 1-2 years old. When I first got pregnant with my daughter my husband fought me on vaccines. We fought on it for 8 months, I wanted a delayed schedule, he did not. So at one of our prenatal checkups I asked our respected doctor. “I want to know your opinion on vaccines, I know there is a lot of controversy on when to vaccinate.” His reply was “There’s no controversy.” Immediately I was a little angered because he tried to play on my ignorance and trust in him. “No, there is.” I said, “My parents and whole family vaccinate on a delayed schedule and I know other people who do the same.” He tried to back track with well I would never do anything to hurt your child. I said “You would never do anything to knowingly hurt my child.” Our conversation went on with the government payout programs for disabled children caused by vaccines etc. Basically our doctor could do nothing to convince me that vaccines were 100% safe. My husband and I left and on the trip home he said “Ok, we will do it your way.”
Now don’t get me wrong I believe you should vaccinate. However, I do not believe a tiny baby can withstand the things people want to pump into them. My grandma’s generation never received shots. She had the measles, mumps, and chicken pocks and so did all 12 of her siblings. I would rather wait until my child is older when they have had more of a chance to develop an immune system, and only receive one shot at a time.
Those of you who talk about Herd Immunity, it is a myth. The original definition of herd immunity applied to the protective effect that occurred when a population contracted and recovered naturally from infections. Natural immunity lasts a lifetime whereas vaccine induced immunity does not. The herd immunity myth as it is applied to vaccine induced immunity took hold decades ago when vaccination proponents argued that vaccines provided lifelong immunity in the same way as natural immunity.
When this was shown not to be true, booster shots were introduced to keep vaccine immunity from “wearing off”.
To the dismay of vaccination authorities, outbreaks still occur in groups of children who have been fully vaccinated and receiving booster shots. Hence, the convenient blame game and finger pointing that is now occurring with unvaccinated children said to be the “cause” of such outbreaks.
“When I was in medical school, we were taught that all of the childhood vaccines lasted a lifetime. This thinking existed for over 70 years. It was not until relatively recently that it was discovered that most of these vaccines lost their effectiveness 2 to 10 years after being given. What this means is that at least half the population, that is the baby boomers, have had no vaccine-induced immunity against any of these diseases for which they had been vaccinated very early in life. In essence, at least 50% or more of the population was unprotected for decades.
If we listen to present-day wisdom, we are all at risk of resurgent massive epidemics should the vaccination rate fall below 95%. Yet, we have all lived for at least 30 to 40 years with 50% or less of the population having vaccine protection. That is, herd immunity has not existed in this country for many decades and no resurgent epidemics have occurred.
Vaccine-induced herd immunity is a lie used to frighten doctors, public-health officials, other medical personnel, and the public into accepting vaccinations.” -Dr. Russell Blaylock MD
I do not write this to convince you one way or another. Merely to say please educate yourselves before you make a decision. Do not just take the doctor’s word as gospel truth.
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“The Fake Boob”
As so lovingly named by my husband “the fake boob” is nothing more than a breastfeeding shield, and a mistake I won’t make again. In a way I guess I felt like a failure. As I mentioned in a previous post, “The Breastfeeding Mother”, breastfeeding turned out to be not at all what I had anticipated. After solving my first problem with breastfeeding, a week later I hit a second obstacle. My nipples were starting to become extremely sore. The soreness didn’t bother me that much, it was the initial latch before the milk started to flow that was painful. Not only were there cracks but because of how Sawyer was eating a small hole began to form on the bottom of each nipple. It looked as though someone had put an open gash there. I was determined to suffer through this. However, soon I encountered another problem Sawyer would not eat on the left side. My milk would let down so strong she couldn’t really keep up without sputtering and gagging. Now I was just beyond frustrated, how could everything go so wrong.
I was not going to have this problem, the internet quickly gave way to a seemingly beautiful solution. A breastfeeding shield, designed to slow the flow of the milk. And I could just stop using it when she could handle the flow of the milk. I could barely contain my excitement as I rushed out the door to buy my first one. Not only did it work but it was incredible all the sudden I felt no more pain! As the weeks went by my left nipple healed up but the flow was still strong for my poor little girl. My right nipple was not getting any better at all, still in pain I was tempted to use the shield on the other side. “Just until the hole heals up” I told myself.
5 months in and I gave up struggling to wean Sawyer from the fake boob… It was like we went right back to the beginning. Only this time we were struggling because it wasn’t what she had grown accustomed to. Now, it’s not a total inconvenience or anything I still get to nurse my baby, just not exactly how I thought I would. And I’m not knocking the breastfeeding shield at all, used properly they work amazing. Had I not have found one I don’t know if Sawyer would have ever started eating on the left side. My mother had the same problem with me and just had to hand express one side cause I only ate off of the other. And I’m not saying you won’t be able to wean your baby if you start using one. I feel the reason I couldn’t was because I have flat nipples. So they aren’t at all the same shape or size as the shield.
This was merely my ignorant use of the shield. And sharing so maybe someone else doesn’t have to go through a similar experience. Live and learn, now I know for next time =)
The Breastfeeding Mother
I knew from the moment I found out I was pregnant that I was going to breastfeed my baby. Not only because my mother, and her mother, and her mother before her did, but because of the everlasting benefits for the both of us, and because of the bond we would share. When I had my baby I was only 20 years old. My husband supported the fact that I wanted to breastfeed but he knew nothing about children or breastfeeding. Let me give you a little background first, I am an extremely stubborn person. If I have set my mind on something that is how it is going to be. (For better or for worse). There was no way in this world I was going to give up breastfeeding my daughter. I carried that little girl for 9 months and I’d be damned if I was going to let anyone else be her “mother”. I not only saw it as a want but my duty to my daughter to take care of her and give her the absolute best I knew how. I was ready, I read books, searched the internet, watched videos, I knew exactly what to do.
When my beautiful little girl was born I was in absolute awe that my body could have produced this perfect little being. I put her to my breast and pure magic she latched on perfectly. It was the most incredible thing, and for the two days we were in the hospital even the nurses marveled. “I have never seen a nursing couple take to breastfeeding so well.” “You’re a natural!” I was totally thrilled, I knew before I even had her that this is how perfect and one we would be. Unfortunately the wonder didn’t last. We took our baby Sawyer home and for a while all was well. A few days passed and my milk came in. Now let me tell you my breasts are big anyways (32E), but it was insane and painful how large they had become. (Nursing bra 32G). And now Sawyer wouldn’t latch right, we tried and tried. It was the most frustrating experience of my life. I didn’t understand, how could this happen, everything was so perfect. Sawyer screamed and bawled, tears poured out of my eyes. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to be a mom. My mom lives 3 hours from us, so I called a lactation consultant. She came immediately and told us Sawyer just had some gas. She showed us stomach massages and things we could do to help her. She also told us Sawyer was having a hard time latching 1) because I had flat nipples. and 2) I was so engorged it was extremely difficult for her to get ahold. (even with me helping.) So I had to hand express a lot to get it where she could latch better. For the night things were a little better, and then all over again they were ten times worse.
My milk came in more and with a vengeance. Our whole house was waterworks all over again. I called my mom begging her to come help me and tell me what was wrong. I felt completely helpless, this wasn’t how things were supposed to be. My mom came and as soon as she walked in the door and heard Sawyer cry she knew…. (My mom raised 6 babies starting when she was 19). “That baby is hungry, Shaide.” she said it so calmly. My mom has never said a mean word to me in my life, but these 5 words struck like knives to my heart. I started crying again. I didn’t know, I wanted to crawl under a rock. That first night was the hardest Sawyer ate all night. I was so exhausted, then the morning light hit and we both slept. For the first time in 5 days we were all at peace. One lactation consultant who had never had kids could not tell me that my baby was hungry, but my mother who raised 6 kids (even though her youngest is a teenager) was able to tell me just from hearing a cry. For the 2nd time since my daughter was born I saw my mother in a new light. A light that only mothers can see, one I took for granted and never saw before.
10 Years of Vaccine Research
Sha-ZAM, this reseacher nailed it! So many powerful points she makes! Whoa!
In case you don’t click on over, these are my favorite points from her article…
4. Vaccines are not mandatory for school. Why oh why is this still not common knowledge? The greatest myth of all myths within the vaccination world (besides the myth of herd immunity) is making vaccines seem like they are mandatory for a child to receive an education. As if. But how crafty. First we are going to create “well-baby” visits, where you are “required” to bring your “well” baby to a sick place at 2 months, 4, 6, 12, 15, 18 months… for what? To tell a parent how much their baby weighs? No, the joke’s on us. Why aren’t they called “shot visits”. And when the 2 month shots give the baby chronic constipation and reflux, then at the 4…
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Happiness in Unexpected Places (an Introduction)
Growing up I watched the generations of motherhood and homemaking, from my mom and grandma and great-grandma. All raised in rural Wyoming on farms and ranches that seemed a never ending suck-hole to which I never wanted to stay. I never pictured myself as a “stay at home mom”. I was a very independent and outspoken child who dreamed of a blue collar job on the ocean front. The first chance I got I was gone. New Jersey and commercial diving called my name and for half a year I was living my dream. As rowdy and outspoken as ever, I fit in perfectly with the crowded mass of hard working men around me. As much as I hated it I even had a nickname “little boy”… could I have ever dreamed of anything more? No I was content. Christmas came and I went back to the homestead. Plans to leave kept falling awry, and love hit me like a freight train. Three months later I was a married woman, my plans to dive didn’t change, there was work in mid western America that could keep me busy. Four weeks passed and I couldn’t find a job, I had neither the age or experience required.
Then I got sick throwing up at every passing smell and taste. What I thought could be a bout of food poisoning turned out to be pregnancy. Pregnant, how could I be pregnant? Then plans really changed, I could remember countless aunts and other prominent women in my life being wonderful homemakers. A role and shoes I never thought I could fill. I remembered every time I came home from school the house would be miraculously clean, dinner made, clothes washed and folded. But most of all I remembered a calming, relaxing place, a perfect little sanctuary. One in which we were always free from the tyrannical judgements of the world. Then I remember my mother, she brought six children into this world of whom I am the second. She nursed us, loved us, taught us right from wrong, and to read, and write. All the sudden I felt an overwhelming sense of responsibility and love. I never wanted anything more than to be exactly what this baby, my baby, needed. How could I let someone else raise my child. I want to be the mother that is always there to comfort and wipe away tears, one my daughter knows and can count on. There in my own head, a decision was made, one that would change my life forever.
Nine months later, I have a beautiful baby girl and a loving husband. Yes, we live in Wyoming. Yes, I gave up a dream. Sometimes we give up old dreams for new ones, I wouldn’t change it for the world. I could not be more grateful for what this experience has brought me so far. I see my own mother in a totally different light and I love the person I am starting to become. One day I hope my daughter can see the safe haven I have tried to create for her, just like my mother and her mother before her.
homemakinghaven 